Greetings, well-intentioned person of pallor. Your good intentions used to be enough. But in these diverse and divisive times, some people would hold you accountable for your actions. You were not raised for such unfairness. You need help. And help you now have. Let Daquan - that black co-worker you are referring to when you claim to have black friends - help you navigate perilous small talk with African Americans with this handy field guide. This portable bit of emotional labour puts at your fingertips a tabbed and alphabetised list of things not to say to black people. Finally!